The Emotional Health of Children
KEY POINTS
What is self-esteem and what shapes it?
The importance of exercising the brain and prioritizing emotional health starts at an early age.
How self-esteem affects decision-making and confidence in trying new things.
Our children are involved in many extracurricular activities, such as soccer, swimming, and other sports. Sports are a great way for kids to build friendships and get physical exercise, and I think that while it is important for children to be physically active, I also encourage them to prioritize emotional health and exercise their minds. As a child therapist, who works with children and teens, I like to define my role as being another safe adult in their lives that can help each child process their feelings and work through difficult emotions. I do not take the place or substitute for the role of the parent. In my eyes, the role of a child therapist is to help each child explore who they are and learn tools to manage anxiety, worries, fears, and relationship issues with peers or family members.
Self-esteem is a person’s sense of overall worth and value and illustrates the level of confidence one has in their abilities and attributes. Self-esteem is first developed in early childhood, and some research shows that it is developed in babyhood, and is rooted in the feelings of safety and love a child experiences in the very early years. Why is this important? If a child has a healthy sense of self that begins to formulate in the early years, they are set up for more success. Self-esteem influences how each person makes a decision, relationships with others, and self-motivation. Individuals with healthy self-esteem will likely feel empowered and confident in trying something new.
Maybe your child wants to try competing in a math competition but does not feel like he or she is capable of succeeding. Then, he or she opts out of signing up and misses this experience. Maybe this child does not even feel comfortable sharing this with a parent or teacher, because of shame or embarrassment. Then this becomes the norm and the comfort zone. As therapists, it is our role to challenge negative core beliefs that a child may have about oneself, that inhibit them from trying new things.
When I was a child, I was in a Girl Scout troop. I remember always being the odd one out of my troop, and I even felt bullied by my troop leader. It felt like I was always the excluded one, and it would make me very sad and uncomfortable. I was too scared to tell my parents out of shame. I remember in 6th grade, my troop went to a horse ranch for a weekend. I cried on my top bunk alone, as all of the other girls excluded me from their group. The next day, we had a horseback riding activity, and I was put on a small pony while everyone else was riding an actual horse. I was the shortest, quietest, and most awkward in the group, but this really exacerbated how I felt about myself. Now, at 29, I still remember this core memory as feeling like an outcast and a loser. It truly affected my self-esteem in my adolescent years. I did not have a therapist at the time, but I really wish I did; I could have talked about these difficulties and received the validation needed.
Our subconscious holds memories and beliefs about ourselves and how we view the world. Wounds from childhood may show up in adult life, in the way we make decisions, who we choose as partners, and how we experience our lives. But childhood experiences can cause us to make choices that hold us back or make us feel small. The goal of healing these wounds is to give ourselves the attention and grace we needed when we were younger.
My point and goal are to encourage children and youth to enter therapy at a young age—to get ahead of this, fight through any negative self-talk or behavioral patterns, shape a healthier future, and increase self-confidence. Intervening early and at a young age will promote emotional health in their lives.