Navigating Back-to-School Anxiety
KEY POINTS
Back-to-school anxiety can be tough for kids with anxiety disorders.
Here's what parents need to know about separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, and social anxiety.
Tips for helping children with anxiety.
Summer is coming to an end and a new school year is approaching. This brings change and transition from a flexible summer flow to a structured (and potentially new) environment.
For children who experience anxiety, a new school year can cause much distress. I want to help you as a parent, navigate possible back-to-school anxiety—and empower your child to thrive.
Anxiety disorders are the most prevalent mental health disorders in children and adolescents (Walter et al., 2020). Anxiety is best described as excessive fear or worry associated with a danger that is nonexistent in the present moment (Paul, 2019).
Anxiety is a normal and healthy fear response for children when it is proportional to the experience that the child is facing. It becomes a disorder when the child is experiencing high levels of anxiety when their reaction to their environment is disproportionate to the level of threat. Additionally, this occurs consistently and impairs their daily functioning (Bhatia, 2018).
In regards to going back to school, of course, it can cause some “jitters” of excitement or nervousness, which is normal and expected. This post is more focused on supporting children who experience high levels of anxiety and how parents can help support their children. There are three types of anxiety disorders, and how they may impact your child with the start of a new school year, as well as “Hannah’s Hints” to help your child if they are highly anxious. Let's discuss separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, and social anxiety.
Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is characterized by extreme fear or worry when a child is separated from their caregiver. It is most commonly found in younger children, but can also be present in adolescents and teens as well. (Lebowitz, 2021).
For example, your child may have excessive worry about what will happen to you (their parent), while your child is at school. They may express to you that they are worried something “bad will happen”, while they are separated from you. For a child with anxiety, when a thought like this passes through their mind, it can feel very real and activate the anxiety response in their brain.
The thought patterns of children with anxiety are vastly different than those without an anxiety disorder. Children who experience an anxiety disorder have a tendency of coming up with worst-case scenarios, have a tendency of placing a high value on these negative scenarios/thoughts, and additionally believe that these negative scenarios are more likely to occur (when they are not realistically true).
Hannah’s Hint: Empower Your Child Through Psychoeducation
As a therapist, I find it very helpful and beneficial to explain to my client what anxiety is, and how it manifests in the body. I would explain anxiety like an “alarm system”, that is meant to protect them from harm.
Anxiety is a necessary human function that serves to prepare us for a “fight or flight” response. (Lebowitz, 2021) Sometimes, this alarm system may be set off, even when they are not in danger.
An example I like to use that tends to resonate with both children and adults is the example of a smoke alarm. If the smoke alarm in your house goes off, it is most likely because of burnt popcorn or low batteries, than an actual fire in your house.
The smoke detector goes off, but we have trained our brains to not be threatened by it when we realize there is not an actual fire (or for your child, a threat to them). Use this example to help your child understand and conceptualize their fear of separation, and how anxiety is triggered in the body. Knowledge is power.
Generalized Anxiety
Generalized anxiety is characterized by persistent worries about various things (such as school performance, health, family finances, or future success). Children with generalized anxiety find it difficult to manage and control their worries, and it begins to impact their daily functioning (Lebowitz, 2021).
Generalized anxiety is more prevalent in adolescents than younger children. If your child seems to be preoccupied with worry in regards to the new school year, that you notice is taking up much of their conversations with you, they may be struggling with managing their fears. They may be nervous about going to school for several reasons, such as who they will sit at lunch with, what teachers they will have, college prep, and perfectionism.
Hannah’s Hint: Externalize the Anxiety
An intervention I love to use with children who experience intrusive thoughts and persistent worries is to help the child externalize their anxiety. What does this look like?
I like to help my client understand that their “anxious voice” is separate from who they are. For example, let’s say your child is having excessive fears about who they will sit with at lunch this year at school. The thoughts could be:
“I have no one to sit with.”
“What if that means no one likes me?”
“What if that means everyone will think I’m a loser?”
These thoughts spiral, and the anxiety voice is winning. I want your child to call their “anxious voice” something else. For example, they can call it “Llama” or “Mr. Bully Voice.”
I want your child to build up their positive inner self-talk, respond to their “anxious voice,” and practice the skills of talking back to their anxious thoughts. The externalization of anxiety is a strategy associated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT has been found to be highly effective in the treatment of anxiety and aims to help clients change their thinking patterns (Hoffman & Hay, 2018).
Social Anxiety
The final form of anxiety is social anxiety. Social anxiety is characterized by a fear of social interactions with others, as well as a fear of negative judgment. In regards to going back to school, your child may be overly anxious about seeing certain people, speaking up in class, presenting in class, or having to socialize with their peers.
Social anxiety is most commonly found in young children and adolescents and tends to start earlier for girls than boys (Lebowitz, 2021). Some other fears of children with social anxiety are: eating in front of others, using public restrooms, and answering a question in class (Lebowitz, 2021).
Hannah’s Hint: Brave the Wave
A phrase I have established in my practice and specifically with children with anxiety is “Brave the wave.” One of the most important and fundamental elements of anxiety disorders is that avoidance feeds and reinforces anxiety (Hoffman & Hay, 2018).
Let’s say your child does not want to go to school, so you let them skip the day. Your child will then immediately feel better, and the behavior gets reinforced. Remember that their brain wants to protect them from danger, so if they avoid the thing (school in this example), that they are scared of, and it gives them relief, they will want to repeat the behavior. This can be unlearned.
Our brains are adaptive and can form new ways of thinking (Hoffman & Hay, 2018). The parent needs to help their child learn how to "brave the wave," and learn how to sit through and face their fears.
They need to learn that they can survive hard things in order to train their brain. Braving the wave can look like learning breathing techniques, coloring, journaling, and more.
I hope your child thrives this year in the new school year. If they need additional help, I encourage you to help your child find a therapist that is trained in treating anxiety disorders.
Remember that healing is a journey, and it won’t change overnight: patience, practice, and empowerment.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.